Messy

I don’t like looking at photos of you that other people took
I guess my shadow self is possessive
I beg patience from you
But Im really throwing my vulnerability out there
I savor every moment
But its hard for me not to drive the moments to an apex
Like it wont last
So lets make it real, fast
Diving into intimacy, racing into intimacy
Ive shared too much
Trying to seize the moment and cherish the day
I tired grasping the future and pulling it to my chest
But you cant grab time
I cant grab the you that you will be at that time, at that place
I cant stop myself
I wont filter my heart
And yet
I withdraw
Ashamed that I am always this way
My favorite parts I also hate
I love your beating heart
When a soul touches mine, I say yes
Always
But these unions don’t last because
The other never stays
I get scared
They withdraw
They perceive my internal discontent
To be a failure on their part
But its not so complicated
All anyone has to do is stay
Keep showing up and stay
Follow your own path
Seek that calling in your heart
I don’t want any certain or particular thing
Just you exactly how you should be
And if you stay
And if youre real
And if youre present
Then so will I be

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