I am a pretty chill person. For most of my life I have valued such philosophies as ‘turn the other cheek,’ ‘being angry is like taking poison and expecting the other person to get sick,’ ‘only hurt people hurt people,’ ‘you cant change others, you can only change yourself,’ ‘choose love.’…..You get the point.
Although that might sound strange coming from a veteran, its been five years since I’ve seen combat and I have a lot of great mentors that helped me refocus that energy. I pray, I meditate, I do yoga. I do all the things. All the lovey, positive, make the world a better place things. I have made a real effort through all the tragedy that life brings to constantly seek out grace, patience, forgiveness and understanding.
But today a friend of mine gave me a great peace of advice. Stay angry.
I have been in a really unhealthy place the last year and every approach I have tried has failed to get me out of it. I am at the end of my rope. I mean begging God to save me from myself almost every night. But this advice from my friend got me thinking.
Maybe every human emotion serves a purpose. Maybe we get angry for a reason. It might be unhealthy to live angry and carry that heat for a lifetime, but maybe there is a purpose to our anger. Maybe, if I can stay angry long enough, it will be a passion that serves as a catalyst for me to make the changes I need.
I am not hurting anymore. I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I am tired of trying to wrap my head around causation and why these things happen and why we hurt each other. Today, I am just angry.